SETTING BOUNDARIES DURING FAMILY VISITS

THIS is sure a touchy topic at our house! We have grandparents, siblings, uncles, cousins, and more on both my husband's side and mine. There are always people who want to visit or be visited during the holiday season. It's nearly impossible to see everyone and if we do we'll be run ragged and miss the most important part of the season, focusing on Jesus' birth.

So, my husband and I have decided to set boundaries for our family. We set boundaries on our time (i.e. naps have to happen daily, we have to adhere to a reasonable bedtime for the children, and we cannot expect them to sit for lengthy periods of time in the car or at Christmas events.)

We also set boundaries on the amount of time we give to visiting family. We've discovered that everything goes more smoothly if we pre-determine who is coming and how long they will be here. We like to schedule family coming and going. This is not something you want to address as your family is entering your house or calling you to tell you they are almost there. We started working on this aspect of book-ended visits a few years ago. We love our extended family very much and we are ecstatic to see them, but we are also realistic about how much time they can handle with our large family and our rambunctious children.

Even the sweetest grandmother has a limit, and we've found out what our family's limits are and we pre-plan their stays based on our observation of their limits.

I'm sure some of you are wondering how we get this book-ended visit discussed without feelings being hurt. I can't say for sure that sometimes, someone hasn't gotten their feelings hurt, but over the years, as we've slowly moved into this position, our family has come to understand and (most importantly) respect our wishes.

My conversation with my mother usually goes something like this..."Here's the plan, sweet cheeks and I have decided we want to spend some quality family time on  blank, blank, and blank days with the girls, and so-and-so family members have invited us to spend blank, blank, and blank days with them, so we'd love it if you could come on this day and stay through until this day. Would you be able to come then?"

There's no getting around that offer. It's a set deal, take it or leave it. There's room for a smaller visit, but not for a longer one. And, since we know that by the end of the bookend we've set up, they are going to be ready to go anyway, there's no chance of any "time to go" weirdness.

I'm not saying this method is full proof or FOOL proof. Trust me, I've mucked it up more times than not. But, if you start small, stay positive, and plan your time before you make "the call" to the in-laws, you'll come out happier and more satisfied with your results.

If you have a peace-keeping practice, please share it so we can all benefit!

Sorry, I couldn't resist! ;)

xoxo,
Rachel

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

     Tonight I was doing my final walk through the house, checking door locks, turning lights off, and peeking in on my girls like I do every night. And, of course, I can't help but notice and make note of all the little things around my house that are not where they are supposed to be. And yes, it totally bugs me. But as I'm thinking of all these little irritations that I must make progress on tomorrow, I approach my 3 year old's bed and I notice she's not covered up completely. So, I pull the covers up and tuck her in, and then it hits me... I really miss her. But how? I spent the whole day with her and her sisters. How do I feel like I haven't been with her in ages? Then I realize, it's because I've been going and going all day and I honestly can't remember the last time I just sat down and cuddled, read a book, or tickled her. Man, how could I be so blind? I really am missing the point. So what if my house isn't perfect. It probably never will be. And who cares if there's still a few toys scattered throughout my house? My girls need more time with me, and less of me stressing over the details. *sigh* Why do I always have these revelations at night when I'm supposed to be sleeping?! Probably because it's quiet and I can actually think for a minute.

     So, I'm purposing to make tomorrow different. No, I'm not letting the house go by the wayside, but I will be more intentional tomorrow. Tomorrow I will spend one on one time with each child. I will hug, cuddle, tickle, and kiss their sweet faces. I will stop myself from Febreezing us all into oblivion and spend more time enjoying the sweet baby smell of their hair.

     And, I will cease to frame my world around my great expectations of motherhood, and being a homemaker, and frame it around what God's given me... Four amazingly beautiful, sweet, smart, precioius children and a loving husband.

Now off to bed... I need to cuddle something.


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